Hawk
by carldeand
Summary: Follows the story of Jim Hawkins, a boy who grew up too soon, and his transition into the infamous Pirate James Hook.
1. Chapter 1

Part one—Split

Coming home

All children grow up, and some sooner than they should. Jim Hawkins rubbed his weary eyes and turned down the lamp at his writing table. He set down his pen and blotted the wet ink, then gathered up the papers and arranged them in a worn, leather bound cover that Squire Trelawney had given him. The squire and Dr. Livesey would be pleased that he had finally finished the task. He walked to the sea-chest that he had brought to school and his mind drifted to the day he had first seen it, following behind the old brown seaman. Jim ran his hand over the dark letter "B" that had been burned on the top. "Billy Bones"

Memories of the captain still haunted him. In his dreams the long, white sabre cut along the cheek stretched back and forth in a little dance to the echoing chant of that infernal song which flowed continuously from the captain's lips: "Fifteen men on the dead man's chest - Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!" Jim carefully pulled out the rusty old key that was dangling on a chain he kept securely around his neck and slid it into the lock; one quick turn to the right and the chest clicked open. Even after all this time, it still had a strong smell of tobacco and tar. He tied the leather bound pages shut and carefully placed them in the bottom of the chest near the oilskin packet that still held the account-book and Flints map. For Jim, the map no longer carried any importance, other than as a keepsake, because he remembered it all so vividly. He remembered every hill, every bay, every inlet and every other physical feature of the island. He also remembered the bearings; the latitude and longitude and the particular directions that were needed to bring a ship safely to its shores. It was etched so deep in his memory; Jim doubted he could forget it even if he tried. Lately, he had begun to try.

The school year had gone quickly and Jim was looking forward to going home and seeing his mother. She still kept the Admiral Benbow Inn, up on Black Hill Cove, and right off the coast road that leads to Bristol. It was a great deal of work since his father had died, because the tavern had gained some popularity recently with the exaggerated stories of the old captain and the treasure being gossiped around the area. For a while, business was so good that Jim's mother, Alice, needed to hire some temporary kitchen help.

Even though the squire already had the Inn repaired and repainted, Jim had wanted to use his treasure money to really fix up the old place and make it look like new. But, the squire had a different plan. At nearly thirteen, Jim was still considered very young, and Mr. Trelawney had thought that the financial management of his share of the treasure would prove to be too difficult for a mere boy. "Without the guidance of your father, I fear that you will end up squandering your good fortune. I feel that it is my duty to help you become a man of good standing. When you get older you will realize the truth in what I say; getting an education is the most important thing you can do with your money. I have made arrangements to enroll you in Balliol. " he said. The idea of going to school was an exciting prospect for Jim, but his mother could only find cause to worry and lament. She was not sold on the idea and needed a great deal of convincing. The squire would not take no for an answer and between the two of them, they were finally able to settle the matter. Jim would use his treasure money to go to school. He had only been home for less than a month when he was forced to leave for Oxford.

Before he left, Jim pleaded with the squire to release a bit of his treasure so that his mother could at least expand the tavern, repair the old fireplace in the parlour and add a new stable. The squire reluctantly agreed and eventually saw the good in it. Before too long, he actually started thinking of it as his idea and took control of the entire project. As Jim was leaving, the work was really just getting started.

Jim had not felt good about leaving his mother; he did not like the idea of her being alone. It was a decision that weighed heavily on his conscience. Before he closed the trunk, he grabbed a few library books on poetry that he wanted to take home for the summer and placed them on a pile of clothes. Folded neatly on the very top, Jim noticed the old worn coat that belonged to his father. Closing his eyes, he recalled how caring, attentive and patient the man was. Jim missed his father very much. One thing that Jim knew with certainty; his father would have been proud that he was going to school. It was one of the reasons his mother finally let him go. Jim marveled at how good a father he was and wondered at that because the man never knew his own parents and had nothing to model his own actions from. Until the age of twelve, he was raised in the country by a nurse named Beatrice. She was a very nice old lady and Jim loved it when she visited. Coming all the way from London, Beatrice and her daughter Emily had attended the funeral. Emily and his father had been as close as brother and sister growing up. The memory of the day he died was still painful and Jim had to hold back from sobbing. He cleared his throat, whipped his eyes, and was resolved to not cry; he was too old to cry. The memories were still so fresh; it felt like it was only yesterday. Everything seemed to have happened so quickly after his father's death that he often felt as if he had not had a proper time to accept it. These memories made him more homesick than ever. He wanted to see his mother again, and he wanted his father back.

The homecoming was a celebration to be remembered; everyone in the Hamlet came. Jim liked the attention and called for glasses all around before he asked if everyone would be interested in hearing some stories. One in particular that seemed to entertain the crowd was a funny tale that happened on the field during a game of football. Jim was not exceptionally athletic, but this game was new and getting quite popular. After a brief description of how it is played, he told the story from start to end with a great deal of spirit and enthusiasm,

"I was waiting for an opportunity to play and I became a little bored and hungry and I tried to sneak some food. While I was eating a small piece of pork loin that had been dipped quite liberally in mustard, I was suddenly caught off guard when the captain told me to get in the game. I threw the meat to the ground and wiped my hands off on my pants and then ran out onto the field and took my position. I was not quite sure what I was supposed to be doing, as the rules tend to vary game by game. So, during the next play, I attempted to set a block and I was tripped and twisted my ankle. It was quite painful and I called for a replacement and motioned for assistance to get off the field. The captain came rushing out to check on the injury and saw a quite a mess. He started yelling for bandages, thinking I was bleeding. When he saw my confusion, he asked where I was hurt, and I pointed to my ankle. He pointed to my thigh and asked what the thick, ozzing yellow stain was, and I told him it was mustard. He laughed, and then he looked quite relieved and admitted that he was a little shocked thinking that I had some sort of blood disorder and that my blood was yellow." Jim laughed and then continued. "The story was so funny that everyone at Balliol heard it and there are now rumors around school that my blood is actually yellow."

Jim also told them some stories about his tutors and his studies, but before long, it became apparent that the people were not there to hear about school and they started asking questions about the adventures to the island of treasure. Jim was happy to oblige.

The party lasted well into the night and eventually Alice had to tell the people that the tavern was closed. When everyone had left, Jim finally got to spend some time with his mother. She seemed so sad and alone. "The Inn looks great mom" he said. "The squire did a fine job." His mother just sat there staring at him; she was smiling and crying at the same time and pulled him into an embrace. They had never really talked about his father's death, and apparently the topic was still too sorrowful. As much as he wanted to, Jim knew he wasn't going back to Oxford in the fall; he could not leave his poor mother alone. She needed him.


	2. Chapter 2

The Darlings

About the middle of summer, Jim heard his mother call his name from downstairs. He knew it was going to be a long night because Margaret Darling was about to give birth. David and Margaret Darling had taken up their lodging at the Inn shortly after Jim got home. He could not help but smile at the thought of them having a baby because they were such a nice couple; the baby would be lucky to have them as father and mother. Jim remembered when they first arrived outside the door in the covered coach that had brought them from town. Mr. Darling was so gentle and deliberate when he helped his wife down from the tall seat. He set his walking stick carefully against the coach making sure it would not fall over, and then pulled his gloves off one finger at a time. Giving these to his wife to hold for the moment, he grasped her around the waist and lifted her effortlessly off the seat. He placed her down so carefully it seemed as if she were made of glass. She whispered something in his ear when he let go, and all the while he was smiling at her, but Jim could not tell if he was smiling at what she said, or just smiling at her. Jim's mother had come out side when she heard the coach pull up.

"Hello," he said "may I presume that you are Mrs. Hawkins? My name is Darling, David Darling. This is my wife Margaret. Squire Trelawney spoke very well of your Inn; he told us it was a clean and quiet place that would suit our need for a temporary residence. I must say that he was right. You have a beautiful place situated up here on the cove. Is there lodging available?" he asked.

Jim's mother was always pleased to get another room filled, not only did she appreciate the extra money, but also loved the company and the pleasant sounds of a full house; it distracted her from her sadness. "We have a perfect room right on the ground floor for you" she told them." "Well then" he said, "it would seem that we are in luck" He turned to Jim and asked "What's your name son?" Taken a bit by surprise, Jim gave his proper forename "James….. James Hawkins, but most people call me …" Before Jim could finish, Mr. Darling interrupted "Well then James, could you help me with the bags?" He tossed Jim a coin and winked at him. Jim's mother told him to bring the bags inside to the room near the parlour. Jim took a quick moment to consider the couple before they walked inside. Mr. Darling was in fact quite a bit older than his wife, but he still had a boyish look about him and the difference in their age was not immediately noticeable. He wore a light blue tail coat that was cut high over the top of his breeches. When he removed his hat, which was tall and had a narrow brim, it revealed thick black hair pulled back and tied with a black ribbon. Mrs. Darling was a slight woman with a small upturned nose and masses of curly hair that looked somewhat reddish in color. Her gown was simple and elegant but had rather a loose fit. With help from the driver, Jim grabbed the bags and took them inside.

Mrs. Darling found the Inn to be "completely charming" and Jim was happy that the recent renovations had just been completed; the place looked nearly brand new. As Alice gave them the grand tour, she was twirling around, holding her hands to her mouth and exclaiming "David, I love it! It will be perfect for the baby!" Her energy and passion for life was immediately apparent.

Indeed, she always came to breakfast ready to attack the day. It seemed like Mrs. Darling would wake up with a fantastic new idea for their future every morning. Then, from dawn to dusk , her time would be spent planning it all, as each scheme offered the opportunity for a grand adventure that they could experience with their future child. In the evening at dinner, she would explain it all to her husband. Her stories were so engrossing that everyone who came about the inn could not help but listen in and laugh at her eagerness. On one day, she would want to take up painting, write a book, or do something creative; the next day it was all about being practical, like making their own furniture, raising sheep, or wanting a garden to grow fruits and vegetables. Mr. Darling would meet her excitement with a calm, warm enthusiasm that obviously expressed his devotion to her; his eyes were shining bright, and his grin spread wide across his face whenever he looked at her. For the rest of the evening, she would explain every detail of her elaborate plan, and he would just hold her hands and tell her that she was wonderful.

Mr. Darling spent a great deal of time conducting business in town; apparently he was very wealthy and was planning on establishing a country estate in the area, Margaret had always wanted to live in the country near the ocean and the Devon coast seemed ideal. His business often required trips to Bristol which meant that Margaret was left alone at the inn. Mr. Darling did not like going on these trips without his wife, but he did not want to take her with him as he was concerned that all the traveling might be too much of a strain on her while she was heavy with child.

Jim noticed when he returned from these trips that his first thoughts were always of Margaret. Before he came inside, he would quietly look in at her through the door and ask if she was in good health. The cause of his concern was soon revealed.

They had both grown quite fond of Jim during their stay, especially Mr. Darling. From that first day, he had taken to calling him James, and so had Mrs. Darling. One afternoon, he pulled Jim aside and asked "James, I was hoping we could have a little talk. There is something I would like to ask you." Jim answered "Of course Mr. Darling, we could sit in the parlour if you would like. But please, call me Jim." Mr. Darling shook his head and smiled. He said "I prefer the name James. It's a good strong name with a long history. It comes from the name Jacobus; do you know the story of Jacob in the bible? It suits you and you should be proud of it. But, yes, let's go into the parlour." Sitting in the large arm chair, he pulled out a small pipe, filled it with some tobacco and lit it with a match that he struck against the bottom of his boot. Jim noticed how relaxed and comfortable the man seemed, as if he were sitting in his own home. Mr. Darling grew serious for a moment asked the favor. He wanted Jim to walk with his wife during the day because it was good for her to breathe the fresh sea air. At first, Jim was a little annoyed at the request which would add to his already sizable responsibilities, but he kept listening. Mr. Darling took a long draw from his pipe and exhaled the smoke slowly. His brow tightened and he went on to explain his reasons. With some effort, he confided in Jim, "This is not the first time Mrs. Darling has been with child; she was going to have a baby last year. Unfortunately, she lost it in the third month of the pregnancy. I was not sure we should try again so quickly, but Margaret is so eager to get the family started. It's just the two of us right now, we have no other family." Mr. Darling sighed, and smiled "She was quite convincing. Against my better judgment, we decided to try again, but I made one demand; that we would leave the city. So many people are coming into London to work in the factories, it's getting overcrowded. While the place is booming economically, it smells of squalor and filth; everywhere you look you see rot and disease. Thousands of chimneys spewing out black smoke and soot, sewage in the river; the place stinks. Our doctor suggested we go to a quieter location in the country where we could breathe clean air and that is what brought us here. Besides, I have always wanted a house in the country. My wife is a delicate and frail creature who is all of life to me James." Mr. Darling took another long draw on his pipe, sat back in his chair and then he continued "I want her mood and spirits kept high. All she has ever wanted in life are children; and, she will be a wonderful mother…" he paused for a moment, and then continued "which will make up for my failings as a father. I am afraid that I do not have much patience for small children." He then became even more serious and sat forward a bit. Looking Jim squarely in the eye, he pushed a silver forepenny across the table and asked with a great deal of sincerity "Please James, I want someone to look after her while I am out, and I trust you." It was obvious to Jim what he needed to do, he pushed the forepenny back to Mr. Darling and responded "It would be my honor sir, and requires no payment."

In the mornings after breakfast, Jim and Margaret would stroll around the grounds. Sometimes they would go to the nearby by hamlet and shop, other days they would walk along the cliffs, or down along the shore. Jim would tell her stories about captain Bones, Black Dog, and the old blind man, Pew. He would point to the landmarks and relate to her what had happened in that very spot. He told her about the notch in the lower side of the inn's signboard and how Billy Bones had had attempted to split Black Dog in two with his cutlass, but missed and hit the sign. Mrs. Darling was quite entertained by the stories; she would follow his every word intensely and was constantly asking questions. She often thanked Jim for making her stay at the inn so enjoyable. She told Jim that her husband also commented on how much he liked Jim and how he hoped that their own child would turn out to be such a fine young man.

On one particular day, Margaret asked if Jim could take her to town. She wanted to purchase some items for the baby and since David was there, she thought that they could have lunch with him. While traveling, they past some of the boys that Jim knew. He envied most of the boys that lived nearby; they had no worries or responsibilities. Sure, they had some minor chores to perform in order to help their families, but most of their days were spent playing. Jim remembered when he was younger, grabbing sticks off the street and pretending to be a swashbuckling pirate sword fighting in the alleyways. On the road near the sidewalk something shinny caught his eye; about five boys were shooting a game of marbles in the dirt and the white alabaster balls were gleaming in the sun. It was one of Jim's favorite games. His father had taught him to play when he was very young and had given him a beautiful collection of marbles that he kept in a small leather pouch buried in the captain's trunk. Every couple months his father would come home from town with a new one and he would present it to Jim right after dinner; the marbles were more valuable to him than all the treasure in the world. Jim remembered many happy evenings playing marbles with his father. One boy was on his knees and had just flicked his shooter with his thumb, striking a mib and knocking it out of the circle. Another boy started yelling," Hey, that didn't count; you weren't behind the taw line. It's my turn to shoot; it's my turn to shoot." It started an argument than ended with all the boys chasing each other in a game of tag. "shoot… shoot…" the words echoed in Jim's mind. His mind returned to the island and memories of people shouting "shoot… shoot". He felt the pain in his shoulder where the dagger had pinned his shoulder to the mast. He remembered the face of Israel Hans looking up at him when he pulled the triggers and the look in Israel's eyes when his life left him. A life was taken. Jim shook his head and pulled himself back into the moment. He looked over at Margaret and tried to force a smile. "James," she said in a voice filled with concern. "You look so pale, and you are perspiring. Are you okay?" He wiped his brow, and laughed a bit forcing the images out of his mind. "I'm fine" he said. Jim didn't shoot marbles anymore; he shot pistols and when he did, someone died. The last swords he had held in his hands had the weight of steel not wood, and they were stained with blood. Some of the more gruesome images of the voyage still kept him up at night. He would never go back to that island, not for all the bars of silver in the world.

As the time for the baby's birth grew closer, the walks became shorter because Margaret would become fatigued quickly; she seemed to get tired so easily. Jim enjoyed her company so much, a short time with her was better than no time at all. During their walks, she would go on and on about all the plans she had for their son; at this time she was certain that it was a boy that she was carrying. She would stroke her belly and speak out loud about his future as if the boy were already born. "Like his father, Peter will be attending Eton College when he is of age, and when his education is complete, he will certainly go into Parliament…." Jim thought that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.


	3. Chapter 3

A Boy

Jim heard his mother call and went downstairs to see what she wanted, but before he got to the bottom of the stairway, his mother came out of a room with a very concerned look on her face. She grabbed his arm and told him in a very serious tone, "Jim, I need to send for Dr. Livesey. Please go in and make sure Mrs. Darling is comfortable." Jim's mother was perfectly capable of birthing a baby, she had done it at least five times to Jim's recollection, but apparently something was not going right. Alice quickly composed a message for the doctor and ran out to give it to the stable hand along with some very specific instructions. Jim opened the door to check on Mrs. Darling and he saw that her husband was at her side. Tears were streaming down his cheeks while he was trying to console her. Her exhaustion was apparent, but she seemed unusually quiet and still at the moment. Her skin had a grey, pale look which made the dark circles under her eyes seem even more distinct. Her breathing was shallow and her lips looked dry and cracked. Mr. Darling suddenly rose and ran out the door, knocking Jim very hard in his efforts to leave quickly. Jim went to Mrs. Darling and picked up her hand as David had done. Her eyes opened a bit and she notice that it was Jim at her side. She looked so tired and weak; she gazed up into his eyes and with a voice no stronger than a whisper, she said, "James, please….. please….." Her strength was nearly spent and she could not finish her request. Jim told her that she would be okay and that the doctor was on his way, but she didn't seem to hear. " watch over Peter and help him James, please help him… he is going to need your help" she said. Jim squeezed her hand and said " Of course I will. I will do what ever it takes until you get better." But she just shook her head ever so slightly and continued to beg him to care of Peter and to help David. Jim promised that he would. He took the wet cloth that his mother had laid across her forehead, and he gently wiped the tears and sweat from her face. In a voice as delicate as a summer breeze, she thanked him and then her eyes became vacant and her breathing became faint. Mr. Darling came back into the room; he had attempted to gain some composure, but nearly lost it at the first glance towards his wife. Jim backed away and let Mr. Darling take his spot at his wife's side. Alice came back in and told Jim to put fresh water on the stove, and to bring the doctor into the room immediately when he arrived.

Time seemed to drag on for an eternity, and Jim wondered what was taking the doctor so long. The moans and whimpering coming from the room tore into Jim's soul. He wiped his own tears away and he prayed that Margaret would be okay. Jim heard the door open and then the sound of the doctor's voice. As his mother had instructed, Jim brought Dr. Livesey straight into the room. He waited outside the door and listened to what was happening. He could hear the doctor asking Alice questions and assessing the situation, and then the voices became hushed and Jim could not make out what they were saying. Soon after, Alice shouted for Jim to bring hot water and to tear up some clean sheets for bandages. Margaret started screaming, but it was different than the screaming other woman did when they were having a baby. David Darling burst out of the room between the wailing screams of his wife, and his eyes looked wide and crazy; his hands were covered in blood. Jim brought him a towel to clean his hands, and then not knowing what else to do, Jim poured him a healthy measure of rum. With trembling hands Mr. Darling raised the glass to his lips and downed the entire amount. Jim gently took his arm and led him into the parlor where Mr. Darling collapsed in a chair and stared off into the distance. After a few minutes, the screams ceased and a moment after that the soft cry of a baby could be heard. Jim's hopes were raised at the welcome sound, but when his mother came out of the room and Jim saw the look on her face, he understood that the news was bad. Mr. Darling did not need to hear it either; he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. Alice went to console him and reached out her hand and gently laid it on his shoulder. "I'm sorry" she said. Mr. Darling bolted up and ran out the door into the night, slamming the door behind him.

The baby boy had survived and Alice, Jim and Dr. Livesey needed to figure out what to do next. The Doctor wanted to make arrangements to have the child boarded at the Admiral Benbow until the father was sufficiently recovered from the tragedy. He said that he knew a wet nurse in town who owed him a substantial sum of money and he would make arrangements to have her come this very night and feed the child as a way of paying that debt. Since the debt was fairly large, the Doctor felt that her services could be employed for as long as was necessary. "Hopefully it won't be for too long, I expect the father will come around soon" said the doctor. "The poor man is crushed; he never even asked about the child". They stood there for a moment and the cries of the infant became more noticeable in the awkward silence. Alice thought of the baby lying next to his lifeless mother and she could not listen to its wails any longer. She went back into the room, scooped him up, wrapped him in a cloth and held him close. In a strange way the touch of the warm baby against her chest was as comforting for Alice as it was for the baby. She stroked his head and whispered soothing sounds in his ear. He began to quiet down and eventually fell into a deep sleep. Dr. Livesey told Jim that he would make arrangements with the undertaker for someone to come out and take care of Margaret. He would make sure that she was brought back to town and prepared for a proper funeral. The Doctor moved into the parlour and asked for a brief moment to sit and gather his thoughts. Jim did not know what to do or say, but he wanted to break the tension in the room so he told Dr. Livesey that he had finished the account of their adventures. The doctor looked up with his bright black eyes and an agreeable smile on his lips, and gestured for Jim to come join him for some quiet conversation. Jim was very fond of the doctor, who always seemed at ease no matter where he was or what was happening. Nothing ever seemed to rattle the man. Jim remembered the way Dr. Livesey had fearlessly handled Captain Bones when the he pulled out a knife in a threatening manner. The doctor spoke in a clear and commanding voice and simply informed the captain that he would hang if the knife was not put away immediately. The doctor had gone on to inform the Captain that he was a magistrate and would not hesitate to pursue a swift and severe punishment if the Captain so much as disturbed the peace again. Jim thought about his father and wished he had been as strong as Dr. Livesey. Alice brought in some food and a small glass of port, and they talked for a bit while the doctor's horse was prepared for the ride back into town. When the doctor departed and his mother attended to the baby, Jim went up to his room. He was shivering very hard and the cold that he felt seemed to reach the very marrow of his bones. Collapsing on his bed, he buried his face in his pillow and wept.

That night, the surf pounded against the cliffs and the wind shook the house. Jim had nightmares of the island again. Surrounded by pirates on the shore, he held a baby up over his head. They wanted to take it from him, but Jim wouldn't give him up. Then, the pirates became enormous crocodiles chasing him through the marshes and bogs. His legs would not move fast enough and he kept falling forward into wet stagnant water.

Jim felt as if he were sinking, and was struggling to keep the baby out of the water. Unable to catch his breath, he tried to scream but his voice was gone. When he awoke, he was tangled in a wet blanket drenched in sweat. In the darkness of the room, Jim's eyes were open wide but he could see nothing and the only sound was the clock on the dresser ticking loudly.


	4. Chapter 4

Healing

The Funeral in town took place three days later. Mr. Darling was an absolute wreck. His hair was not brushed, his face unshaven; his clothing was wrinkled and unkempt and his eyes were red and puffy. The wet nurse sat toward the rear of the church and fed the baby to keep him quiet. When the ceremony ended, she dropped the boy off with Jim's mother and went out in search of food. Mr. Darling approached Alice, who was holding his son, and held out his hands to take the baby from her. His eyes filled and his voice broke when he whispered Peter's name. He cradled the infant for a moment and then grasped Peter around the waist and lifted him up to see him face to face. It reminded Jim of the way he had lifted Margaret out of the carriage. Jim saw the expression on Peter's face change, his brows pinched together and his lower lip tightened in to a frown. As the beginnings of a cry began to emerge from his lips, Jim recognized the sounds and knew what was coming next. He offered some advice, "Excuse me Mr. Darling, Peter has just finished eating and if I might suggest,… well, maybe I could take him for a bit" But David would not hear it; he just commented that he could see Margaret in the boy's eyes. He was inches away from his sons face when Peter's stomach eliminated its excess food; the contents of his stomach needed to be reduced down to a more manageable amount. In other words, Peter spit up all over Mr. Darlings face. The man looked horrified. He quickly passed Peter over to Jim and pulled a handkerchief from his pocket to wipe his face. He then turned to Alice and asked if she would be agreeable to keeping Peter at the Inn for a bit longer while he made more permanent arrangements. Jim remembered the promise that he had given and answered before his mother could. He stepped in front of her and said "It would be an honor sir and would be no trouble at all." The words were not lost on Mr. Darling who remembered Jim saying something like that before. He looked at Jim with such gratitude and admiration that Jim felt a bit embarrassed. Alice looked at Jim and was completely stunned and at a loss for words.

During her time at the inn, the wet nurse performed her task with all the spirit and enthusiasm of a wet rag. That is to say, she served her one purpose and then spent the remainder of her time lying around limp and apathetic. The odor emanating from her body carried the same stale stench as well, and was a great annoyance to anyone who had the misfortune of sitting near her. The woman made no attempt to brighten her attitude or her appearance. Every few hours she would emerge from her berth, pick up the baby and take him to the large arm chair near the fireplace in the parlor. She would then pull down the neck of her patched and worn garment and expose her breast for all to see, before lifting the baby up for its scheduled meal. It seemed as if her intention was to shock everyone in the inn, so that they would complain and she might be relieved of her obligations. Most people would simply turn away in quiet conversation when they saw her approaching. She did not nurture the baby nor she did not provide any comfort; she did not sing to him, or play with him. In fact, she barely even spoke to him. All her contract required her to do was feed him regularly, and when the task was completed, she would drop him into his crib and find some place to lie down and rest from her efforts. She would complain that the feeding was taking all her strength and used this claim to justify an over consumption of food that was contributing to her ever growing girth.

Peter was an easy child by all accounts. Rarely crying, he was very observant and attentive to anyone who showed the least bit of interest in him. It seemed as if his presence was good for business. The neighbors heard about what had happened, and they would often show up for drinks and supper as an excuse to lavish Peter with attention; everyone became his Auntie or Uncle. He would smile and laugh at everything, almost as if he was putting on a show. Jim's mother took notice of what was happening. In the beginning, she was concerned that the child would not get the proper love that only a parent gives, the love that all baby's need to grow and flourish, but Jim was so attentive and she was sure that he was obviously a happy and healthy child; Jim was just like his father.

It was a full month later that Dr. Livesey finally arrived at the Inn with Peter's father. The doctor made up an excuse to talk with Alice privately for a moment and pulled her into the kitchen. "I have never seen a man suffer so much. The man has been in a drunken stupor for weeks" he told her. "It took quite a bit of coaxing to get him here but I finally convinced him that he cannot abandon his child." The two of them came back into the parlour, and Alice asked if Mr. Darling would like to see Peter, who was, at the moment, asleep. He peeked in at the nursery that Jim's mother had put together in a small room between her and Jim. "This is where Jim slept when he was a baby" she said. Mr. Darling was totally uncomfortable around Peter, as if he did not know what to do; he was absolutely lost. After much fidgeting, he was finally able to ask "Mrs. Hawkins, I was wondering if I might take up lodging here again. I am very appreciative of what you have done for me." He looked at Jim and continued, "James, words cannot express my gratitude for all that you have done, you are beyond your years and are truly a man of honor." David turned back to Alice and continued his request "Mrs. Hawkins, Margaret wanted the boy to be raised in the county and I would like to honor her wishes. She loved this area. So, if it is acceptable to you, I was wondering if I might take up lodging here again. Just for a little while? I need some time to figure things out. " Alice was secretly happy because she had grown quite attached to Peter and the extra money and business that he was bringing in was welcome too. While Mr. Darling's manners were polite, they could not be considered very pleasant. He was different than the man he used to be; he seemed uneasy and distant, a bit angry. Jim noticed that he could not look at Peter for very long. David was torn, he obviously wanted to love Peter, but at the moment he felt only contempt for this child who had cost him the one true love of his life, the only thing that kept him connected to humanity.

David Darling spent much of the day alone in his room. In the afternoons, he would go for long walks outside, along the coast or upon the cliffs. Often, he would get back only in time for supper. In the evenings he would ask Jim how the day went; he would inquire about the wet nurse and whether she was feeding Peter often enough, and he would ask Alice if she needed anything. Then, coming into the parlor, he would sit by himself in the corner near the fire and would start drinking pints of ale and a great deal more rum than he should. He refused any company that was offered, but would just sit silently and stare at nothing in particular. His eyes would sparkle in the lamp light and once in a while a tear would fall down his cheek. Finally, at the end of the evening just before he withdrew to his room for the night, he would look down at Peter's little face and he would always ask the same thing. "Does the boy seem happy?" David never kissed the child; he rarely even touched him let alone held him. Margaret was supposed to help him be a father. He did not know what to do without her; he was angry at her for leaving him alone with Peter.

For Alice, it was to be expected. She sympathized with Mr. Darling's loss because she shared the pain of his situation. She understood what it was like to lose your love and knew what he was going through. It would take time for him to accept the passing of his wife, but she could not understand the man's apparent indifference to his own child. She drifted into thoughts of her own family and how tragically common it seemed for children to lose parents. Her brother's wife, Fann had recently died giving birth to their little boy, Fred. She started to think about her late husband and how she could see the shadow of him in Jim's face; the same black curly hair and the deep blue eyes. Every time she looked at Jim she almost started to cry, and she wanted to hold him so tight. Jim might not believe it, but he needed a father as much Peter did. Why had they allowed that filthy old scoundrel to stay at the Inn? From the very moment he arrived, she knew he would bring trouble. Why didn't they just tell him that there was no room and to move on? George Hawkins was not a particularly strong man and he was too kind for his own good. When the Captain's money for lodging had run out, George was so afraid of confrontation that he literally became sick from worry. Her jaw clenched tightly as she remembered the way the Captain would bang on the table and shout for rum. Then, he would force everyone to listen to those dreadfully violent stories that were absolutely frightening to the guests. He had upset many of them to the point of leaving; the man had nearly ruined them. Alice had often thought that it was the stress which had put her husband on the premature road to death. It broke her heart to think of her son having to grow up so quickly. She yearned to keep Jim young and innocent for as long as possible. She never understood why so many parents were in such a hurry to have their children grow up? Childhood is an important part of life; it is a wonderful time of learning through curiosity and adventure, a time when the rules of reality seem as inconsistent as the rules of imagination. Alice remembered growing up in the country. Her parents would always badger her to act like a young lady when all she wanted to do was run and play in the fields, chasing rabbits down their holes. Alice certainly did not want to rush Jim out of his childhood, or out of the house, but circumstance seemed to be out of her hands. It didn't seem fair.

As the time came for the fall term to begin at Balliol, Jim finally told his mother that he was not going back. He had seen the sadness and strain in his mother's eyes; and it reminded him of the look in his father's eyes before he died. She seemed so vulnerable and scared that he could not leave her until he knew that she would be okay. Alice made a feeble attempt to argue, but Jim was firm in his decision; secretly, she was glad of it. There was another secret obligation that kept Jim at home; he had a duty to "watch out" for Peter and Mr. Darling. He gave his word to Margaret.

On a Friday evening, when Peter was four months old, David unexpectedly accepted an invitation to have supper with Alice and Jim. At the table, the conversation turned to Jim's favorite topic. He started to tell Mr. Darling about his adventures on the high seas with the one legged pirate named Long John Silver. David was skeptical of Jim's account, but he did not let on. He pretended to be very impressed with Jim's resourcefulness and good judgment. David commented that an intelligent lad like James might consider pursuing some higher education. "An enterprising young man like you needs to start thinking about what you want to do with your life. How do you plan to make your fortune and take care of your mother? You need to establish a secure future because there is nothing on which the world is as hard as poverty." Alice had been following the conversation and was suddenly nervous to hear David voicing the very concerns that had been running through her mind of late. While she had begun to accept that it was inevitable, she did not want Jim to leave again; she was just not ready for it. Alice also could not help but be a bit dismayed at how dismal David's perspective on life had become. The harsh blow that life had recently dealt him seemed to have left him somewhat empty inside; his heart seemed closed. David turned to Jim and in a voice that held just a hint of disdain; he asked "While it would be a safe and modest life, you don't want to run this Inn for the rest of your life do you? If your story is accurate, you have proven to be a level headed and responsible young adult and the world has more to offer a man such as yourself." Jim's mother gave a hesitant smile; she looked at her son and still saw him as a young boy. She knew it was futile, but she could not let go of Jim's childhood. When his childhood is over, it will be another milestone in her own life, a terrifying symbol of time and her own mortality. She needed him to be her child more that he needed her to be his parent. In an effort to mask her thoughts she spoke out harshly. "Jim? Responsible? He is still a boy. A wild adventure in search of treasure does not make _a boy_ responsible, and besides, from what the Squire tells me, most of Jim's account seems to come more from imagination than truth." Jim felt a bit humiliated at his mother's words and glared at her in disbelief. She could not truly believe that! After all he had done since his father's death how could she say that? He gave up school to stay home and take care of her. David seemed a bit surprised too and said "Alice, James is obviously a _man_ of good character and good form. You should be proud of him." Alice's response did little to sooth Jim's wounded pride. "I am proud of him, and I agree with you. But, I am in no hurry to have him grow up." The conversation stopped for a bit, creating a moment of awkward silence in which the only sound that could be heard was the ticking of the clock on the wall.

As the weeks passed, Jim found himself looking forward to those occasions when joined them for a meal. David was slowly starting to adjust to his wife's death, and he was becoming a little calmer and easier to talk to. His depression seemed to be lifting. Jim thought about the differences between Mr. Darling and his father. They were physically similar in appearance, although Jim's father would have been a bit older. Both were reasonable men; they both considered the welfare of others and strove to help people in need, and they both followed a good code of Christian ethics. But in every aspect of his life, other than fatherhood, Mr. Darling had a confidence that Jim's father had lacked. His decisions had an element of strength and certainty behind them that gave the impression of no regret. This was something that Jim's father never seemed to master; he always worried and seemed plagued with doubt. Curiously, fatherhood was the exception again; it seemed to be the one aspect in his life that his father was totally comfortable and confident with.

When Peter was eight months old, the services of the wet nurse were no longer needed and Dr. Livesey terminated her services. About this same time, Mr. Darling had a subtle change of heart and began slowly living again; he had made up his mind to start planning a future without Margaret. Of course, the first thing he needed to do was hire a live in nanny for Peter as he had imposed on the Hawkins family for far too long. This proved to be easier than he thought. After a few inquiries, it was Alice who came up with a solution. She suggested a nice, well mannered, young girl named Mary who was actually the daughter of Jim's aunt Emily. All the women in the family were nurses and caregivers and Mary was ready to follow in the footsteps of her mother and grandmother. Besides, she was practically a member of the family. With this problem solved, David began to work out some other practical and financial concerns that needed his attention.

As much as he loved it, David understood that residing at the inn could not be a permanent situation. The Hawkins family had a true understanding of the words generosity and charity, but somehow, he needed to find a way to repay them for their kindness and support. He had come up with an interesting idea which could prove to be the solution for many problems, but it would take some time before he could comfortably suggest it. In the meantime, there was a great deal of property just north of the Hamlet which would be an excellent location for his country mansion, so he purchased it. At supper one evening, he indicated that he would be moving out of the inn and taking up residence in town so that he would no longer be an imposition. Alice would not allow it. She actually became quite offended that he would consider such a thing. "After all that we have done for you and Peter, I can't believe that you would leave us without any consideration at all!" she said. David saw her reaction and became rather embarrassed; he said "Mrs. Hawkins, I apologize. It was not my intention to offend you, it's just that you have put up with me and Peter for so long, I thought you might welcome the idea of being rid of us." "Alice could not believe what she was hearing, and she laid into poor David. "Of all the stupid ideas, how could you possibly think that we would want to be rid of you? David Darling, you are a fool, and I will not hear another word on the subject. You will stay here until your house is finished. "So it was decided; David, Peter and the recently hired nanny continued to live at the inn.

Once or twice a week, David would ask for Jim's help with something in town, and when the work was done, he would make a point to show his pride in Jim's accomplishments. He would pat Jim on the shoulder and tell him "Well done James, good form!" Jim liked the way that David always called him James; it made him feel as if David recognized him as an adult.

There was always a lot that needed attending around the Inn, the grounds needed to be groomed, the rooms cleaned, clothes laundered, food prepared and the kitchen and bar scrubbed. Even though David hired Mary as a nanny for Peter, Jim was already in the habit of doing most of the work and continued to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility, so Mary could usually be found helping Alice with the Inn. Jim remembered the promise that he had made to Margaret on the night she died. Although the burden was quite significant, Jim shouldered it without complaint; it was his duty. Besides, David always seemed so proud of him for doing it.

Every day seemed to bring David further away from his depression. He smiled more, and he often spoke so warmly to Alice that she would have to blush and turn away. Alice was actually much closer to his age than Margaret had been. He would go on and on about how much he enjoyed the home cooked meals, how delicious everything was, and how pretty she looked. It made Jim happy to see the affect it had on his mother. Maybe he could go back to school soon.

There were many invitations to dinners and parties and David felt obligated to attend because there was often a great deal of business that was discussed. If he was going to keep his good standing in the social circle, he would have to start going to these engagements again. Margaret used to go with him until she became pregnant, he hated going to these events alone because he felt awkward without her; he dreaded it even more now that she was dead. One evening, David decided to ask Alice if she would be interested in accompanying him. Alice was such delightful company and such a pleasure, David decided to bring her to all of them. Dressed in their finest clothes, they would head to town, leaving Peter in the care of Jim.


	5. Chapter 5

Peter

It was Jim who fed Peter, changed his soiled diapers, bathed him and played with him. Each night before Peter was put to bed, they would sit by the fire and Jim would tell him stories about adventures on an Island far away that was inhabited with Pirates. Every story would start in exactly the same way, as Jim would whisper the mysterious secrets that were written on the map. "In the first moments of the setting sun, during the first week of the winter solstice, find the north star. Align the sextant to the second star to the right and direct the bow of the ship here. Sail straight on till morning _."_ The words were etched into his mind because e _very evening at sunset, Captain Smollett brought his cabin boy up on the deck of the Hispanola and taught him how to calculate the corrections that each night brought and how to navigate a ship to its final destination. It was an excellent education and Jim soaked it up, he never past up an opportunity to learn something new._ _Peter would sit on Jim's lap, wide eyed for the entire story, barely blinking as_ Jim described his adventures with Barbeque, the one legged ships cook who turned out to be the notorious Pirate Long John Silver. He described every acre of the island as if he were standing on the tall hill they call the Spy-glass. Jim had told the stories so often that he began to exaggerate them a bit to keep them interesting, Sometimes the isle would be thick with savages, and Jim would be forced to fight them, sometimes it was full of dangerous animals that hunted him, he even began to embellish reality a little and include stories about mermaids and fairies.

Unknown to Jim, someone else was listening to his stories at night. Mary would often be quietly cleaning in the room while Jim was telling his story to Peter. Apparently, she had arranged her duties so that she could clean the sitting room last and when she finished, she would linger in the room and listen to him. Eventually, Jim noticed her, and he subtly started to raise the volume of his voice to make sure that she could hear all about his courage and bravery against the notorious pirates. Mary was a lovely girl with a romantic nature and a smile that made every boy in town fall hopelessly in love with her. Her lips curved up in the corners, but the right-hand corner curved up just a little more than the left, which gave the impression that she had a secret. For some reason that he could not explain, Jim wanted to impress her. "You can listen to the story much easier if you sit here with us" he said one evening. Mary obliged and it soon became a nightly ritual.

Mary started becoming more involved with Peter and spent more time helping Jim; the two of them seemed to take on the roll of father and mother. If anyone were to look upon the three of them out for a walk, it would be easy to mistake them for a happy little family. Once Peter started talking, he never stopped. His little voice had the same energy and enthusiasm that his mother had. As is often the case with small children, many of his mispronunciations sounded so endearing that they became charming new vocabulary words for Jim and Mary. As an example, he could not pronounce the letter "r" very well and called Mary "Molly". It became Jim's pet name for her. The ship "Hispanola"became"Jollyola". But Peter always pronounced the name 'James' perfectly; like his father, Peter always called him James.

The ritual of the evening stories progressed into active play time. As he grew older, Peter wasn't satisfied to just sit and listen anymore, he wanted to play. Half way through the story, he would jump off Jims lap and grab a wooden spoon and shout "I wanna be you James… you be Lon John Siver, okay?" without waiting for Jim to answer he would charge. "Take this Lon John, I gonna feed you to the cwocolile, " he would say, and then he would chase Jim around the room waiving the spoon around and try to whack him with it. "Jim would pretend to be frightened, and he would run away and beg for his life. In the end, Peter would always defeat the evil pirate and Jim would act the death seen so well, that Peter sometimes thought he was actually hurt. "You okay James? I sowee, I sowee… you okay?" he would say. Jim would smile and tell him what a magnificent sword fighter he was, and how any pirate would be afraid to face him in battle. Peter liked it when Jim talked about him like that. "Yea! I kill Piwates!"

Peter became a perfect excuse for Jim and Mary to become closer and Mary became a perfect excuse to put off school at the beginning of the next term. They would walk and play for hours in the field near the Inn, and Jim was happier than he had been in a long time. On a couple occasions, her lips proved to be too great a temptation and he tried to sneak a kiss, but Mary would turn away at the last moment and flash her smile at him; it left him liking her even more.


	6. Chapter 6

Peter is lost

It was an unusually warm Sunday afternoon in May and Peter was nearly two years old. Jim came down from his room holding a surprise for him. Peter was sitting on the floor playing with a small wooden horse that George Hawkins had carved for Jim when he was a small boy. Jim sat down in front of Peter and asked if he wanted to see something special. Then, from behind his back, Jim pulled out a small leather pouch that contained his most treasured possessions. He slowly untied the drawstring and poured the contents of the pouch onto the floor in front of Peter. Peter's eyes widened in amazement and he drew in a deep breath and said "Wow". Jim told him "These are marbles, Peter. " He wanted to teach Peter how to play like his father had taught him, but soon realized that Peter was too young and his little hands lacked the coordination needed to shoot the marble with his thumb. Peter was still fascinated with the small white balls and he was happy to just roll them around the floor. After a while, they came up with a little game; Peter would place the little wooden horse somewhere in the room and Jim would take careful aim and shoot a marble with remarkable precision to the exact spot. Peter would burst into laughter as soon as the marble struck the horse. Jim was just as good with his left hand and sometimes shot two marbles at once; he had always been able to use either hand in any task.

David came in and remarked on what a beautiful day it was. Since it was Sunday and the tavern was closed, he suggested that they should all have a picnic out near the cliffs. Peter wanted to bring the marbles outside and Jim said that he could bring the horse, but the marbles needed to stay home. He carefully counted them to make sure that none were lost before putting them back into the pouch. He ran up to his room and placed the pouch on the window sill, rather than putting it back in the trunk.

They spread out a blanket and relaxed in the evening light. It was going to be a beautiful sunset. Peter was dressed in only a night gown and Jim was chasing him through the field and laughing at him. Peter stopped and stared at a small flower growing among the long, tall grass. His eyes grew wide with wonder and he reached out and plucked it, then turned and showed it to Jim. Jim grabbed him in both arms and they tumbled around for a bit before Jim held him tight and looked into his smiling face. He said "Peter, you are so lucky to be young. I wish you could remain like this forever!" This was all that past between them on the subject. Jim suddenly felt sad at his own lost childhood and began thinking about his father again. He seemed to be thinking about his father a lot recently. He left Peter in the field and walked back to the blanket. He sat down and looked out over the horizon and found himself wondering what Long John Silver was doing. The serious moment was already forgotten for Peter, whose attention had turned to some other wondrous thing that caught his eye. Alice had noticed Jim's change in mood and looked over at David and gave him a wink. It was such a nice day that Alice made a suggestion "Why not go and fetch Mary, see if she would like come out and join us". David thought that it was a splendid idea and Jim got the feeling that they had somehow planned this little conspiracy; he smiled. He eagerly got up and shouted for Peter, "Peter… come with me, let's go get Molly". "Don't be silly Jim" his mother said, "he is having such fun running around; let him wear himself out so he will sleep soundly tonight. Maybe you can get a good sleep for a change." Uneasily, Jim turned and headed toward the inn to find Mary.

In the kitchen, Mary was washing floor and humming a catchy little tune that Jim didn't quite recognize. He snuck up behind her and grabbed her around the waist. She gave a startled cry, turned quickly and shouted at him, "Jim, you frightened me" She splashed him with some water from the basin and it splattered across his face. Her smile melted him, "Please come join us for a picnic out near the cliffs, it's a beautiful day and you should not be inside working." She replied "I don't know if I can, Sunday is the only day that I can get this done and I have a great deal left to do. Jim grabbed her hands and pulled her toward the door, he said "Leave it behind and I will help you with it later tonight, after Peter goes to sleep". That smile emerged again and Jim though about trying to kiss her. The two of them headed out the door, with Jim stating to think about how he never had time to spend with just Mary, he never had time for himself.

Lately, the unwanted burden of never ending work and responsibility had caused Jim to grow jealous of Peter. Playing "family" became all too real and the novelty and the fun began wear off. Usually he just pushed these thoughts from his mind, but at the moment all he could think about was being alone with Mary, without Peter, who was always trying to be the center of attention. Jim found that he could not push the thought away so easily this time and the resentment was growing more and more. In his mind, he started to feel stuck. Jim's mother would add to this idea and consistently told him to get his head out of the clouds, stop daydreaming about pirates and grow up. Grow up? Really? It was because of her that he gave up school. And wasn't he the one who took care of the inn and wasn't he the one who cared for Peter? What did they do? The 'grown-ups' went out each night and behaved like children? They dumped their responsibilities on him while they went to parties, operas and dances.

As the two of them walked casually toward the picnic, Jim glanced at Peter running along the bluff. His arms were outstretched and he was pretending to fly. He was squealing in delight" I flying, I flying" Jim couldn't remember what it was like to really play anymore; he forgot what it was like to pretend. Playing with Peter was different than really playing, it was more like work. He felt another stab of jealousy. He thought about the promise he made on the night Peter was born. What right did Margaret have to ask this of him anyway? This was not his responsibility. Peter was not his child, and was not even his brother; David was Peter's father! It was not his burden. He was tired of always being expected to be the grown up, but still always being treated like a boy. He was tired of sacrificing what he wanted. He never asked for this. In spite of the day, and the company of Mary, Jim's mood turned dark. He thought of his mother telling him that his adventure was nothing but a silly boat trip exaggerated by his overactive imagination. She believes that most of the adventures were spun out of the fireside stories that he tells Peter each night and she thought there never was a treasure island… She started calling it the "Never Island". Even Mary had started teasing him about Never Island. Something caught his eye and Jim glanced again toward Peter. The more he thought about his life the angrier he became. It wasn't fair! Mary was still walking at his side enjoying the sunshine and humming her tune while Jim silently continued down a path of despair. In a moment of weakness, a thought entered Jim's mind and it frightened him. For one brief moment he had wished Peter had died at birth as he should have. Jim looked up and saw something near Peter. He was tired of always putting the needs of others ahead of himself. Sometimes he wished he was more like Silver who was entirely self-serving. Jim had admired that quality in Silver from the moment they met. Even with only one leg, he was strong and independent. Sometimes Jim wished he only had himself to think about. What was that fluttering around Peter? The sun was shining on it making it appear to be a flashing white light. Was it a dragon fly? Or maybe a bird? Peter was chasing after it. Jim squeezed his eyes shut and his rage intensified as he became lost in his despair and anger. Jim held Mary's hand and wished with all his heart for something that he immediately regretted. He opened his eyes and his stomach tightened. For a moment, time and space stood still as he watched Peter go over the edge. He had wished it. He felt as if he were going to vomit. "Oh God, No! No No No ! Oh God, what happened? Peter!"

Jim let go of Mary's hand and ran as fast as he could down the long steep path down the face of the cliff that led to the shore below, "Peter, Peter" he screamed. "Please let him be okay." Alice, David and Mary were right behind him. Alice was hysterical. They searched the rocky beach for hours. The night sky emerged as the sun dipped well below the horizon and the only light came from the waxing moon. The waves were pounding against the cliffs and Jim knew it was hopeless. Peter was gone. Jim was crying when he looked up at the cliffs towering above him. He saw a shooting star streak across the night sky.


	7. Chapter 7

Grief and Guilt

Two months later, Jim sat in his room with Mary and cried with her. Mary had stayed on at the inn and continued to work every day. Jim told her about all the tragedies that he had witnessed in his life; and of all the deaths, how this one was the hardest for him to cope with. His sadness was compounded by guilt and remorse; Jim not only felt a sense of loss, but he held himself responsible. He had not expected the depth of feelings that he had for Peter. "I should have been watching him more carefully?" he said. Even as he let all these feelings pour out, there was one thing that he kept locked inside, something that he would never reveal to anyone.

It was eating Jim up, and no one knew; no one knew the secret wish that had floated through his mind right before Peter vanished over the cliff. Over the last few months, Mary had seen how sad Jim was and she did not want to leave him alone; she stayed at his side every day. David handled it a little better; it was almost as if he had become desensitized to the loss of loved ones. David also noticed the effect it was having on Jim, and he tried to be comforting. "Things like this happen, James." he said. "When you grow up, you will realize that loss is just something you have to accept." It sounded dry and emotionless when he said it. Jim thought about these words and he remembered the effect that Margaret's death had on David. Jim also remembered how much his mother had suffered when his father died. Death could not be avoided; it lay in waiting at the end of every ones road.

Jim knew he needed to accept it because that is what adults do; they accept it, and they move on. He wiped his eyes, swallowed hard, and stood up in front of Mary. He held out his hand to her and when she reached up and grabbed it, he pulled her up into an embrace. Mary buried her face in Jims shoulder while he stroked her back and then he said "Mary, we will always remember him, and he will be a part of our lives forever, but I must let him go." As he said the words, he knew that he was lying. He knew that he could accept it; he knew he would never forget Peter, but deep down he also knew that he would never let it go.


	8. Chapter 8

Family renewed

David was acquainted with a Mr. Joseph Goodall who was currently an assistant master of Eton College; word was that he would be head master before long. With a little persuasion and the promise of a few favors, he was able to get Jim enrolled. David was an Old Boy himself. "Alice, all children grow up. When will you finally get used to the idea that James is not a little boy?" It had been just six months since the incident at the cliff. "He has proven himself over and over to be a man who can be trusted and relied on, and he should be allowed to continue his education, his time is running out and he will soon be too old to attend." Jim sat expressionless and stunned at the request David had just made, he did not know how he felt about it. Alice looked at him sadly and said "All children grow up you say? I know of one who didn't. I don't want to let Jim go. I can't let him go." It had been quite some time since anyone made a reference to Peter, and it did not sit well with Jim's conscience. The guilt still burned in his heart. David let the comment roll off him and continued "Why must you be so stubborn about it?" David had reacted much differently to the loss of Peter than he did when Margaret died. He was so sad that he had no family of his own. But rather than isolating himself, or becoming bitter and angry, he focused his all of his attention on Jim and had become more of a father figure to him. Jim was indeed the son that he always wanted. But it still came as a shock when David asked Alice if he could legally adopt Jim. It would be the perfect solution for them both; David would get an heir, and Jim would get a father. Alice was torn. She wanted Jim to stay at the inn, safe with her; but she also knew that George would have wanted him to go to school. "Why," she said "Jim has all the money he needs, why does he need to go to school?" David expected this and was ready with a response "Alice, it isn't just the money. A man needs more than money, he needs an education and he needs good standing in the community. James cannot live off his treasure forever. " David paused and spoke low and earnestly " I admit I am being a little selfish too. I have no family." He walked over and put his hand on Jim's shoulder." Then he said "Nothing would make me more proud than to call Jim my son." It was the first time that David had called him Jim.

When they were alone that night, Alice agreed to talk to Jim about the offer; she wanted to know how he felt about. "David is a good and generous man, but so was your father. He loved you, and you always made him so proud; I know nothing will ever change that. I don't want you to stay here because of me, I have to accept the fact that you have grown up and have your own life to live." She said. "I don't want you to be alone" he replied. Alice blushed a little and smiled, "Jim," she said. "For someone who wants to be so grownup, sometimes you are still such a child. David's proposal was not just for you, he has asked me to marry him." Before she left his room, she told him that she had already accepted, but the adoption was his decision to make and that she would not prevent it, if it was what he wanted to do. Jim was hesitant at first because he did not want to dishonor the memory of his father; it seemed almost like a betrayal. After all, Jim did not want a new father; he just wanted his old one back. Still, his father was gone and nothing could change that. David was here; he was alive and he was offering Jim an opportunity to move forward in life. After much thought and consideration, Jim came to a realization. He did not have to turn his back on his father just to embrace David. Why couldn't he be a son to both of them? Why did he have to choose one over the other? He would not disappoint David, and he would still honor his father's memory; he could be a man that both of them would be proud of.

Jim went downstairs to get breakfast started for the guests and he saw that Mary was already up. His feelings for her had not changed; he was as in love with her that day as he had been from the day he first saw her. "Mary" he said "How are you this morning?" She had been upset for quite some time after Peter's accident, but even in her own grief, she knew that Jim suffered more than anyone. She tried to help him through it as best she could, but she was beginning to think that he would never recover. "I am very well this morning Jim, how are you?" she asked. Mary noticed that he looked a little better; he actually had a smile on his face. It was the first one she had seen in over a year. "I feel pretty good today" he said. She smiled at him and he felt that familiar urge to kiss her. He moved slowly towards her and leaned forward expecting her to turn away at the last moment, but she didn't.

David arrived shortly after breakfast was served, eager to hear Jim's decision. Jim brought them into the parlor and told them what he had decided to do. He would attend Eton, and upon the completion of his studies, he would agree to be David's heir. However, when he started his endeavors in business he wanted to be called by his middle name in honor of his father; George Hawkins-Darling. He would leave his childhood behind to become the son David lost and the man that his father hoped he would be. Upon hearing this, his mother could not hold back her tears.


	9. Chapter 9

Eton

For three years, Jim attended Eton and he excelled in his studies. Even though there were gaps in his education, he was on firm ground for his intellectual attainments making it into the First Hundred. In his last year, and much to the surprise of many students, he was elected as a member of Eton's most prestigious Pop society; although Jim wondered if David was not behind that and had somehow arranged to have the ballot box stuffed in his favor. The time at Eton was the happiest in his life. It was his first taste at true freedom; he was free to pursue his own interests and had only himself to be responsible for. For the rest of his life, Jim had nothing but fond memories of sitting on the wall on the Long Walk in front of the main building, something only members of Pop were allowed to do.

On a few occasions, this new freedom landed Jim in trouble with the head of the house, as he was prone to committing a few practical jokes. Corporal punishment was considered appropriate for any indiscretion and the beatings were usually conducted on Friday evenings so students could have the weekend to recover. They would be summoned to the library where the guilty boy would held over a birch block and receive a "birching" On one occasion Jim was actually able to use the rumors of his yellow blood to get out of a caning. Remembering the way the mustard had seeped out of his clothes at Balliol, he wiped a large quantity of it inside his shirt and then walked into the library to receive his punishment. When it was his turn, he complained about a recent injury and pressed the clothing to his shoulder. When the mustard oozed out, the lower master fainted at the sight of it. James and is friends thought it was hilarious and bragged about it for weeks.

He had many good friends at Eton. Toward the end of the third year, he received a letter from David telling him that some of the boys living in the Hamlet had gotten it into their mind that Mary was single and available. Before Jim set off for home, he took a cab straight to his Aunt Emily's house and requested permission to ask Mary for her hand in Marriage. Emily could not have been happier as she considered Jim to be sweet, pious and incredibly handsome. With her blessings, Jim left school and immediately went home. When he arrived, he presented her with a promise ring that very night.


	10. Chapter 10

Destiny

Jim was done with school; he came back home to fulfill the promises that he had made to David and Mary and move forward with his life. But the closer he got to the actual day, a growing old fear came back and the old familiar feelings of despair crept back into his mind. On the morning of June 29th, Jim was to sign the documents that legally changed his identity forever; the wedding was scheduled in the afternoon of the same day. The night before the event, Jim lay in his bed, tossing and turning with a fever that burned fiercely inside. He squirmed around in his bed and his mind raced out of control. His mind was racing through the events of his life and one theme kept recurring; it was something that he could not stop thinking about. Promises made and promises kept. He wanted to be the man everyone expected him to be, but he was afraid that he might fail and let them down, the way that he had failed Margaret. No one ever knew what he had promised Margaret, and no one knew that he failed to keep that promise. What could he have done differently? What if he had not went back to the inn to get Mary? What if he had brought Peter with him when he went to get her? What if he had not made the wish? Every choice you make foreshadows a unique and specific outcome. Should the choices change, the specific outcome is changed too. Jim knew that he would have to live with the choices that he has made in life, and the choices that he made on that day. Once a decision is made, the outcome is inevitable. Once put on the path, there is no going back, there is no changing course.

Jim struggled to know what kind of man he would be. Would he be a good husband to Mary? Was he going to be a man that David would be proud of? Would he be a man that Dr. Livesey would respect? Would he honor the memory of his father? Would he be driven by a strong code of ethics and live a life of virtue? Would he be a man with good standing in the community? Would he conduct himself with good form? Too many questions raced through his mind and he was frightened. It seemed odd that one could stare down the infamous pirate Israel Hands in a battle of life and death and yet could be so afraid of responsibility. Was there another choice? Was he capable of thinking only of himself and could he simply run away? Could he be a man like that? A man like Silver? His fever burned even more intensely, his sheets were wet, and in the silence of the room, the clock ticked loudly on the dresser.

When a decision is made, the outcome is inevitable; it is destiny. However, something unexpected happened that night; a snag in the fabric of space and time. Jim's conscious mind split in two, his soul broke in half, and then his body separated. For a moment, two objects occupied the same space. It was hard to distinguish what was happening; it appeared as if someone were projecting two movies on the same screen. Jim appeared to blur. Jim Hawkins accepted his decision to become George James Hawkins-Darling. He rolled over on his side and faced the wall, suddenly relaxed and confident. He was ready to move forward and begin his new life with Mary; he never saw himself get up and walk out the door. In that exact same moment, Jim Hawkins decided to leave it all behind and run away; he sat up and faced the door. Uncertain and frightened, he walked out and never looked back. He never saw that he was still lying in bed, facing the wall. Jim followed two separate paths into two possible futures. Space and time twisted over on itself and created two outcomes in one reality.

Jim awoke the next morning feeling happy and refreshed. Sometime during the night, he had finally come to terms with Peter's death; he was finally over it. His wish meant nothing; it was just a foolish thought that flashed through his mind for one brief moment. Just because you believe something, that does not make it real. Wishes do not come true simply because they are wished; his wish was not the cause of Peter's accident and therefore it was not his fault. It was quite childish for him believe that he had anything to do with it. He had been doing a good job in fulfilling his promise to Margaret, but accidents happen. Jim would never forget little Peter, and he would always hold those precious memories close to his heart. It was okay to feel sad about the loss, but he would no longer feel responsible and that was a tremendous weight that was lifted from his shoulders.


	11. Chapter 11

The Darlings

For many years, whenever they entertained guests, Mary always respected his wish to be called George. But usually, when they were alone, she always used the name Jim. Eventually, calling him George just became second nature. However, once in a while, when they were very intimate, she would still call him Jim. But what is in a name? It did not matter what he was called, he was the man that she had fallen in love with years ago. George was the "man of the house". Although, he did seem overly concerned about what the neighbors thought; he wanted every to have a good impression of him and his household. When the couple was financially secure, they eventually had three children; Wendy is the oldest, then John and finally Michael. When Wendy was young and still an only child, Mary would tell her stories about Pirates on an imaginary Island full of treasure called Never island, and a small child was kidnapped by fairies and brought to the island. In her stories it became Peter who battled the Pirates, the small boy who never had the chance to grow up. She began each story with a fragmented description of getting there."Second star on the right and straight on to morning…" Wendy retold the stories to her little brothers, dreaming of adventures.


	12. Chapter 12

Part 2- Hawk

Bristol

Before Jim Hawkins walked out of the Admiral Benbow Inn and headed out toward Bristol, he stopped at the pantry and grabbed some bread and dried meat. Since he was on foot, it would be a long journey and he would need something to eat. He stuffed the food into a kitchen towel and tied the ends up to form a pouch. As he turned to leave, he happened to catch a glance at the basin. He remembered Mary standing there washing dishes and he thought of her smile. Jim almost lost the heart to leave. He shook his head and pushed her from his mind. He needed to leave everything and everyone; from now on, the only one he would think about was himself. Jim had made the decision to find John Silver. Long John Silver was truly a man to be feared; he was one of the most dangerous people in the world. Everyone was feared of Cap'n Flint, but even Flint was a feared of Silver. What was it about this man that caused men to shake in dread and terror? He was not particularly blood thirsty, as many of the other pirates Jim had known. By his own words he was an easy and gentle man. He only killed out of necessity. So what was it? It was his self serving nature and his intelligence. Lying does not require any great skill, but to be truly and consistently deceptive requires intelligence. Long John had thoroughly deceived everyone. From the very beginning of their adventure, Silver had calculated every move, including his appearance and his attitude. Most of the other pirates were just plain bad. They know what they are, and they know what judgment will be made at the end of their road; they fear the retribution of god. The pirates knew that life could be snatched away at any time, thus they don't want to risk waiting for what they want. Thus, they live "hand to mouth", grabbing what they can while they can before they have to stand in judgment. Jim was often appalled at the way they wasted food, fire wood and rum. Criminals like these can be easily thwarted because their hedonistic, live for the present, philosophy is such an intricate part of their scheme. By not planning ahead, they will inevitably make crucial mistakes. But Silver is different; he plans ahead and he has the patience to wait for his plans to unfold. Jim could imagine him to be an excellent chess player. He cunningly covers all his pieces, taking into account all the possible counter moves of his opponent. He is never left vulnerable or without an escape. When his plans go awry, he merely switches loyalties as easily as another man switches shirts. Jim remembered when Long John had kept him alive on the island, it was a brilliant move. He told the doctor that he saved Jims life while he told the Pirates that Jim was a hostage; he played both sides. As Jim continued to think about Silver, he smiled. He was a true sailor of fortune. The rest of the mutinous cut-throats already feared the wrath of God and would not tempt fate by also crossing their mates. Silver didn't believe in God, and thus he didn't fear retribution, he could switch sides without a trace of guilt or fear. For him, luck is a matter of chance; good luck is not reserved only for good people and bad luck is not a result of bad choices. Jim discovered that he believed this too. Good planning and skill could remove the element of luck completely. With no code of ethics or morality, actions and choices do not need justification. Intelligence and lack of fear are fine virtues, but when mixed with a totally self-serving mentality, the result is a formidable criminal. Jim would surpass Silver in this, he would be willing to say anything or do anything to achieve his purpose. While Jim briskly walked through the night, a plan began to form in his mind.

Jim kept to the side of the road and was careful not to be seen. In the early hours of morning, a full day and half after leaving, the town opened up before him. It was just as he remembered. More ships than he could count from every nation on earth harbored in the bay. The familiar smell of sea salt and tar filled his nose and he breathed it in deeply. Even thought the day had just broken, the place was busy with old sea faring men walking about with carts, nets and trunks. Jim looked for the little tavern with the sign of "the spy-glass"; it would be a good place to start.

It did not take long for Jim to find it. The sign with the large brass telescope was old now and the paint was pealing, the curtains on the windows had faded into a dull pink color and the floor was dirty with soot, ash and tobacco. The crowd inside was loud and the room was filled with smoke, but he was older now and no longer afraid to walk right in. It actually seemed warm, pleasant and comfortable. One of the customers took notice of Jim and stared at him for a long time. It was an old, grey-haired, brown-faced sailor with deep cut lines etched into his face. The man could not pull his eyes away and had a look of deep concentration about him. Finally he rose and walked quickly over to Jim, "Hawkins?" he whispered. Jim was a little startled at being recognized so quickly and took a moment to try and figure out who the man was. "Yes, that is my name. May I ask how you know me sir?" Jim replied. Looking carefully around the place, he brought his voice down low so no one could hear "I am an associate of Mr. Blandy and I was here when your crew left on the Hispanola. I also served with Mr. Gray on his ship" He took Jim by the arm and pulled him to a dark and quiet corner. "You don't need to worry about me Jim, but it's good luck that you met me first; there's some swabs here who would prefer to see you dead, if they knew who you were" he said. "What brings you to this port?"

"The sea has called to my heart; I want to go back, I want to travel. I was hoping to find John Silver" Jim just came right out with it. "I figured that this would be a good place to start."

\- future idea in story- Jim is waylaid and wakes up onboard a ship. He is forced to join the crew, when asked his name, he begins to say James Hawkins, but stops in the middle. He does not want word getting back to his mother, so he goes with the name that came out of his mouth, James Hawk. -

Long John Silver

\- future idea- He finds Long John Silver working as a cook on a ship. The crew is not the best educated group and even though he was much to young Silver convinces them that Jim was the cabin boy for Blackbeard and is a man to be reckoned; with his recommendations, Jim is brought on board as the boatswain. He learns to fight, he learns to use a sword and becomes more deadly than any Pirate aboard the ship. He is racked with the guilt of leaving, of running away from responsibilities, and from breaking his promise to Margaret. His also carries the guilt of Peter's death and constantly sees him in hallucinations; a specter, a ghost, an elusive god of the winds who never ages; a Pan. Eventually, James takes his own ship and heads out toward the island. -


	13. Chapter 16

Part 3- Hook

16\. The spirit

Only the three of them embarked from the ship and rowed for the beach, James was not sure how to proceed, but he knew that he did not want the crew to know what he was really looking for. As they pulled the boat up on the shore, James tried to think of some excuse that would allow him to split off on his own. Smee collected the equipment that they had brought and asked him, "What are the orders Cap'n?" Silver began to hobble ahead, he looked nervous. James took a moment to look around; the island had not changed since the last time he had been here. On the far side, he could see the sun shining on the two familiar craggy peaks. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation, his heart was racing. It was here, he could feel it. Somewhere in the thicket of trees was the specter that he now saw with his waking eyes.

James was breathing hard, the marsh was hot. He could hear the laughing coming from in front of him now. Splashing through the water, his feet sank into the sand making it difficult to walk.

The spectre spoke, "Will you play with me James?" The words cut deep and James staggered back as if he had been struck. He reached for his cutlass and said "get away from me whatever you are." His eyes were wide with fear. The spirit came closer and the breath left James as the recognition finally dawned on him. It was a boy, of about seven years in age, older than he remembered but it was the same face that haunted his dreams. "No" James screamed "get away from me. You aren't real." He dropped the cutlass, stumbled backwards and tripped over a log. The boy came forward again and smiled; he had a look of pure joy on his face. He raised is small sword, "Lift your weapon you scurvy dog, prepare to feel the cold steel of my blade" he said. The boy slashed forward as James lifted his hand trying to wave away the visions he was having. The blade cut through the arm easier than one would have thought and the hand dropped to the ground. James tried to scream but nothing came out. In agony, he pulled his arm close to his body and tried to run away. The boy laughed," That will teach you to face me in a fight you cowardly pirate. This will be good food for the crocodiles" The boy picked up the severed hand and through it into the estuary. Immediately, there was some thrashing in the water and with the slap of its tail, the old crock swallowed the hand and sank back down into the muck. "This is fun," said the boy, "We haven't played in a long time James. Are you having fun too? Where you going? Let's play some more."

James collapsed near a large evergreen and was sitting with his back against the tree. He was holding his arm and he still could not catch his breath. He took his belt off and quickly tied it around his forearm and pulled it tight to stop the flow of blood. Then, he took his coat and wrapped it around the bloody stump. "Who are you and what do you want with me?" he screamed; but, he already knew the answer. When the boy spoke, James could not help but cry. "It's me James, Peter." the boy said. Peter hovered above him and innocently said, "Are you okay? I'm sorry about your hand James. I forgot that this isn't imagination. Are you okay?" It all seemed like a dream to James, and oddly, the fact that Peter was flying seemed perfectly natural at the moment. He fixated on another quality of Peter that was bothering him even more. James nearly past out cold, and was breathing heavy now; he looked up at Peter and begged for an answer, "How can it be you? Even if you were alive, it's been fifteen years How is it possible that you have barely aged?" Peter looked confused at the question, as if the answer was so ridiculously obvious it did not deserve an answer, but he answered none the less, "Because I want to be young, I choose to be young. Why are you so old?" He giggled and flew around the tree. James shook his head and said "Everyone gets older, it just happens. We do not have a choice; it happens to everyone." Peter laughed loud and hard and said "You old codfish, you don't understand; you always have a choice." Then Peter smiled "I'm tired" he said. 'It's always time to go to sleep after we play, can we do it again soon?" he asked. Then he flew away, and as he left, he turned, shook his fist and shouted in a playful manner, "We will meet again James Hawkins". In the silence that followed, James heard nothing but the sound of his heart beating, thumping in his ears like the ticking of a clock. Then he heard something thrashing in the marsh.


	14. Chapter 17

17\. The Hook

James stumbled out of the thicket and walked up the beach. It was late in the night and he could see Silver and Smee sitting around a fire near the boat. His arm felt like it was on fire and it felt as if his fingers were aching, but that would be impossible. Bareely holding on to consciousness, he fell to his knees. The movement caught the eye of Smee, and he glanced over to James. "Ahoy Cap'n, we was wondering what was keeping you. Did you have success?" James collapsed forward in the sand while Silver and Smee both jumped up and ran to him. Seeing all the blood staining his coat, they knew he was hurt bad. Silver spoke first "It's no good us working in the dark, the night is as black as coal, but with all this blood it's got to be bad. He won't make it, if we don't get him aboard the ship. Grab his legs" Unable to see what was done, they carried him to the boat and made for the ship. James was mumbling incoherently 'Peter, leave me be, why won't you just stay dead? Leave me be….be gone spirit, why do you haunt me?" "It's a bad omen John, I don't like this talk of spirits and haunting" said Smee. " Shut your mouth. There will be no mention of spirits back on the ship or the crew will be worthless. It's obvious that the Cap'n aint right in the head. Row harder! Put your back in it man " When they hoisted him aboard, James was awake, and had regained some sense of what was happening. He stepped aboard and kept his arm wrapped up, hidden from view. He would not allow the crew see him looking weak. His reputation kept them from staring, but they could see the blood and knew something wasn't right. No one dared to say a word from fear; they did not want to catch his attention. Silver nodded knowingly to Smee and headed to the galley to get his instruments. James stood straight and shouted orders "keep to your tasks men, or there will be hell to pay on the morrow!" Somehow, he found the strength to walk to his cabin and Smee followed closely behind him. When he was inside James flew into a rage, screaming curses and oaths and kicking over tables and chairs. "Smee" he screamed, "I must have some rum, I need rum!." Smee ran to fetch it from the captains private keg. The rum that was issued to the crew was diluted with three parts water; but the captain's stash was not cut at all. It was kept locked up in storage compartment one room over. As Smee was returning with a double ration, he reached for the door latch and heard a loud thump inside. He opened the door and saw the captain spread out on the floor; the coat had fallen away from the arm, revealing the bloody stump. This was not the first time that Smee had dealt with a lost limb, he knew what needed to be done and set about the task instantly. He told Starkey to go down to the galley and help the old sea cook. Then, he grabbed the captain under the arms and, with a great deal of trouble, dragged him to his bunk. Smee was already exhausted from the rowing and this effort left him too tired to lift James up into the bed. He was relieved when Long John finally arrived. Between the two of them, they managed to hoist James into his bed. They placed a number of pillows behind his head to raise him up a bit, and while Silver opened the Captains mouth, Smee poured in a good measure of rum. James had lost a great deal of blood and between that and the good rum, it didn't take long for him to fall into a deep sleep. His breathing was hard and strong so Smee took the task of cleaning him. "We'll need to burn it when we're done." he said. Long John nodded in agreement. "Aye, we'll have to do it. I'll get Jukes started on it." Silver went out the door and instructed Bill Jukes to build up a fire with coals, heat the tip of a cutlass until it was glowing red, and to bring it in before it had a chance to cool. When he was back inside the captains quarters, Silver looked at the stump and determined that the cut was clean enough; but the would still need to cut it again so they could remove a little more of the bone in the forearm to make sure it did not protrude; they wanted to save as much of the limb as possible. Smee grabbed a tub, filled it with fresh drinking water and they soaked the wound and scrubbed it clean. Silver tied a rope tightly around the Captain's bicep and then Smee sat on his chest to keep him from moving. When they felt they were ready, they laid the Captain's arm across a low table and pulled the flesh back from the wrist, similar to pushing up a shirt sleeve. Even with the tourniquet, blood pumped from the opening and pooled up around the arm; it was thick and unusually dark in color. The old sea cook prided himself on the sharpness of his knives and was able to cut off about three inches of bone in less than two seconds. The flesh slipped back around the bone and the muscles closed tight around the wound. When Jukes arrived with the red hot cutlass, Smee placed it against the end of the stump and pressed it hard. It hissed loudly and the smell of burning meat filled the room. Even in his sleep, James screamed, but Silver and Smee were holding him down. They wrapped the severed arm in white linen and there was nothing more that could be done. They left the Captain sleeping. In the morning, at the orders from Silver, they raised anchor and headed out into the open sea.

Between four bells and six bells in the morning, Silver checked in with the Captain every day and brought some meat stew, some water and rum. The evening bells would find Smee bringing the food. For five days, James kept pretty much to his bed. He did not speak much; sometimes he narrowed his eyes when he looked at Silver setting the food and drink on the table near the bed, but he would turn away quickly and grumble his gratitude. Darkened stains of dried blood outlined a forearm that had recently been stretched across the table and when James saw it, he would always shift uncomfortably in bed. Mostly he just sat there thinking and staring at wall. On the morning of the sixth day, Silver arrived with the usual tray of sustenance and he noticed that the Captain seemed a little stronger. "John" he said "go and fetch Smee, we need to talk." When the bo'sun arrived the captain had them sit at the table and poured them all a glass of rum. His movements were a little awkward as he had to do it all with his left hand; but he had always been good with both hands. He drank to their health and thanked them for their swift actions, which likely saved his life. "Now then" he said, "I'll put my cards on the table because I trust the both of you, but that is as far as I take it, you're good mates and true friends. If you hear what I say, and you want no part of it, I'll not hold it against you. You can have a shore-boat and make for a harbor not far from here. I aim to go back to the island and get what's mine; I will not turn away from it. Rumors of ghosts and spirits have taken the courage of the crew, what I need to know is where do they stand? I need to know who the faithful hands are aboard this ship."

James paced his room, he was nervous. Opened the door and called for Silver. Silver came in and waited for orders. Jim told him to fetch the iron hook from the mast and fashion a strap for my arm. "That hook will serve me better as a hand than the timber for your leg." he said. Silver looked uncomfortable and turned away from the captain. "Jim, I am getting old to be sure. My leg feels like fire for most of the day and I am afraid that I will be useless for you. I'm taking you up on your offer of the boat and calling it quits. Home sounds good to me right now." James was crushed. Long John had been a trusted mate for years, and he would be missed. "Is it a bigger cut that you want John, or are you just afraid?" "NO!" he said. It ain't fear for me that I am thinking about. Jim, what's driving you ain't the treasure; it would be plain enough to anyone who knows you as well as I do. Whatever it is you're looking for, it's eatin you up inside and you need to let it go. It'll be the death of you. I won't stand by and watch it. From the moment you stepped into the spy-glass, I knew the worth of you. You've proven yourself more a man than any I served with; I could always see it in your eyes. I have looked death in the face and stared him down; we're all going to meet him in the end, it's the natural order of things. I have never had cause in my life to know fear. But hear me Jim, I know it now. The look in your eyes scares me; it scares me. It's not natural." James looked at his new hand, turning it over back and forth. He tried to remember exactly how he had lost it, but all he could recall were strange dreams of Peter. He did feel different inside, changed somehow. Silver walked out and it was the last time James ever laid eyes on him. He let Silvers words sink in and realized that he was probably right. He was not seeking treasure anymore, he was seeking revenge.

James grabbed his coat and went out on deck to address his crew. "Excuse me Cap'n Hawk, what are you orders?" Smee asked. James walked briskly toward the seaman and got right up in his face. He lifted his hook to the man's eye and asked "Did you just address me as Captain Hook?" The Smee was terrified by the look in James' eyes. "No sir, I would never address you with disrespect" James stared at him for a while, as he decided the next course of action. The men tensely watched with situation play out waiting to see how the Captain would react and what he would do. Slowly a smile spread across his face and he turned quickly to face the entire crew. Laughing loudly, he shouted out "Good form Smee, I Like it! I AM Captain Hook." He held his hand up for all to see and raised his voice even louder "From this day forth, Captain James Hawk is gone; Captain James Hook has taken his place. Now hoist the sail and turn this ship around. We are going back to the Island. Treasure awaits each of you, so point the bow toward the second star to the right and sail straight on to morning.


	15. Chapter 19

19\. Peter explains everything.

Hook peered into the depths of the cave, but rather than pure blackness he saw a dim light hovering way in the back. He also picked up the faint sounds of a child laughing. Cautiously Hook approached the light and in the midst of its soft glow, he could make out the figure of a small boy. As he got closer, Hook noticed that the figure had a small upturned nose, his hair was curly and reddish in color, and his face held the familiar shadows of boyish charm. "Peter?" he asked. The figure nodded and smiled. "I don't understand. Are you real? asked Hook. "I am as real as you are" said Peter. "But how? I saw you go over the cliff, how is it possible that you are alive? " asked Hook. Peter's smile grew larger and he replied "What else would I be?" Hook stood there, slacked jawed and unable to grasp what he was witnessing. "It's been nearly fifteen years, how is it that you are still just a child?" Hook stammered. "I am as young as I choose to be. "Was the response Peter gave.

Peter continues to explain, "I remember the afternoon in the field, I picked up a flower and showed it to you; you looked at me and wished that I could stay young forever and I suddenly understood that I would have to grow up. I saw how sad it made you, and I was afraid. I did not want to grow up. So, I decided to run away. While I was running, I looked at the grass blowing gently in the wind, I looked at the clouds floating in the sky, and I looked at the birds fluttering around me, and I understood something wonderful; you were wrong, I could stay young forever. I think it was because I was so young that I accepted the truth so easily; adults are so frightened and closed minded. Believe! That was all I had to do. It is so simple and it comes so easily to children. Yet, it's the first thing adults ask them to give up. Right then I knew what we really are. You believed you had to get old, and so you would. I believed that I could stay young and so, I would. We can do so much more than what adults think; and our only limitation is belief."

Hook stared at Peter with an expression of confusion, and fear. He tried to comprehend what Peter said and then told him "What you are saying makes no sense! You were only two years old; you were too young to understand anything, and you ran off the cliff and died!" Peter just smiled at Hook and replied "Then how do you explain me being here?" While physically it appeared that Hook was the adult and Peter the child, the expressions on their faces would have indicated just the opposite. "Let's play marbles" said Peter. He pulled out a small leather pouch and opened the top. Inside were a long piece of string and about twenty small white marbles. Hook recognized them from a distant memory. Peter used the string to make a large circle in the dirt and then dropped all the marbles inside the circle. "Pick your shooter James" he told Hook. "What is this nonsense?" said Hook, "I am not here to play games" But Peter just ignored him and said "Okay, have it your way. I will shoot first." He picked up a larger marble, dropped to his knees and took careful aim. Closing one eye, he lined up his shot and flicked the large marble with his thumb toward a smaller one near the far side of the circle. "I'm pretty good now" he said. " I can shoot this marble in any direction I want." Peter looked very pleased with himself. "Do you see? The marble has to go right where I shoot it; it has no choice" "Hook looked even more confused, "Is this some kind of joke? What does this have to do with anything?" he shouted. Then he lifted his cutlass and pointed it toward Peter. "I should kill you and be done with it! Haunt me no more!" he said. Peter laughed, "Play with me James!" he said. "It's your turn." Hook kept his cutlass raised and kicked a marble across the ground. It shot past the yaw line and continued forward for another ten feet before stopping in the sand. "You did it!" said Peter, and he sounded so happy. "You took your shot and made the marble move forward. All it needed was a little push. But your not as good as I remember" Peter walked over to Hooks marble and stood behind it. He looked at Hook and said "In some ways we are just like this marble, we can move forward too. Do you know what the difference is between us and the marble?" Peter did not wait for an answer and he continued. "We don't need to be pushed; we can just choose to move forward." Then Peter kicked the marble back towards Hook. "I can make the marble go back to you if I push it that way. Did you know that we can go backwards too if we want to? We can go forward, backwards or we can just stay where we are. We just have believe that we can, and then choose to do it." Hook was starting to get angry, "Yes, I can choose to come into the cave, I can choose to jump up and down and I can choose to kill you, and then I can choose to turn and leave. I understand that." Peter laughed out loud, and said "You don't understand anything at all. I did not mean you can move back and forth in the cave, I meant you could move back and forth in life. I am young because I choose to be, you are old because you choose to be." said Peter. "You are a fool!" shouted Hook. Then, he said "You can't choose to stay young! Growing old is not a choice that we are given. Everyone grows old and eventually everyone dies." Peter twirled up into the air and flew around Hook. He said, "I choose to be happy, I choose to stay young and I choose to fly; while you choose to be miserable, grow old and die. You call me the fool? You might as well be a marble." Peter laughed. "You grow old and die because you believe that is what you must do. Now, play with me James!" he said, and he floated gracefully to the ground, grabbed another marble, and shot it toward Hook. Hook lifted his foot out of the way and let the marble roll past him. "Don't you see?" said Peter. "Forward, backward, side to side, up and down, are not the only directions you can choose to move in; there are more directions in time and even more in your imagination. This revelation hit Hook like a brick wall; he was stunned and asked "What? What do you mean? Are you saying that you can move in time?" Peter answered him, "On the cliff that day so long ago, I understood that you were wrong, and that I did not have to grow old if I did not want to. The grass has to move when the wind blows it and the clouds have to move across the sky; but I get to choose the way that I move. If I could choose to run forward and backwards in the grass, why couldn't I choose to stay young? Isn't growing old just a direction that I am moving in? All I had to do was believe." He was very excited by the conversation, and he seemed go on and on about things that Hook just couldn't grasp. Hook's head was reeling. "I still do not understand who or what you are, why you can fly or why you appear so young" he said. "James Hook," said Peter with a widening grin, he giggled when he said the name Hook. "I can move through time and imagination as easily as you can move through this cave."

The weight of this was more than Hook could take, his legs became weak and he fell to his knees. "You were only two years old, why did you leave me? Where did you go? " asked Hook. "Two years, two hundred years, it might as well be two days; it's all the same to me. But, I remember that I believed that I was a bird, I flew out over the ocean for a while. I remember that I went back home because I wanted the marbles; I found them near the window and I took them. Then, I escaped out the window and up into the night sky. I flew over the houses and it was all so beautiful that I just kept flying. I was so happy being a bird that in time, I forgot who I was. I ended up at a place called Kensington Gardens in London." Hook looked up at Peter floating in the air above his head shook his head in disbelief. He was now convinced that he had completely lost his mind. "I am delusional" he said "I have gone completely insane. I am seeing things that are not real, pretty soon I will start seeing fairies." Peter was horrified, and became a bit agitated. "Fairies are too real!" he shouted. Peter understood the nature of reality better than any living being, but he still had the temperament of a small boy. "You told me all about them, I believe in fairies and they ARE real." "Fairies?" Hook said questioningly, "There is no such thing. They were just part of a silly story that I told you when you were a baby. You can't make something true just by believing it. It's utter nonsense." he said. At this, Peter flew into a rage, a real tantrum. "YES YOU CAN!" he screamed. "I am real! Fairies are real! I can fly, and I don't have to get old! Do you deny it?" Peter raised a hand and pointed his finger at Hooks heart. Hook dropped to his knees and exclaimed "God have Mercy on me. Why am I being tortured?" "James Hawkins! Do you believe in me or not?" asked Peter. Hook was not ready to give an answer; instead he asked a question. "But if you really can travel through time, will you ever grow old? Will you ever die? " Peter was distracted by the change in subject. As is typical with small children, his mood changed and he was suddenly happy again and shouted out in absolute glee, "Dying is just another big adventure, I might choose to try it sometime." Hook asked the next logical question that came to his mind "What happens when we die?" Peter became very serious and looked straight into Hooks eyes. He really wanted James to understand the magnitude of his answer and suddenly he spoke with the maturity of a grown man. "You go where ever you believe you will go. If you are a Christian who believes in Heaven and you believe you should go there, then that is where you will go. If, deep in your soul, you believe that you deserve Hell, like the pirates on your ship, then that is where you will go. And, it will be exactly as you believe it will be. If you believe that you will be reincarnated into a codfish, then that is what will happen to you. The possibilities are nearly endless. It is not a matter of what is true; _all_ religions are true. The only requirement is that you truly believe it."

There was one more question that was building on Hooks lips; a question that he was almost too afraid to ask. But, he had to know. "Is there a God, Peter?" Peter suddenly looked disappointed, as if Hook completely missed the point; he shrugged his shoulders and asked, "Do you believe in God?" Hooks eyes filled with tears, and his voice was broken when he answered "I don't know" Peter looked sympathetic and replied "Then I can not answer you." Peter suddenly let a smile emerge on his face, a face of eternal youth, and he crowed like a rooster as loud as he could. Then he looked down and asked in a voice filled with youth and mischief, "Enough talk, do you believe in ME, James Hook?" "I do." replied Hook. "I must." "Then I will play with you for as long as you like..." said Peter, and he swooped over Hook's head and whacked him with the hilt of his sword and flew out the mouth of the cave.


End file.
